Sunday, February 6, 2011

6 months

If a doctor gave you 6 months to live, what would you do? I think that after those words... everything that followed from his/her mouth would turn to white noise. I would not hear how things would shut down, how I should prepare myself for hospice, how I should make my final preparations and wishes known.
My Grandfather has 6 months. How can that be? As his granddaughter, this seems impossible.
I'm so many miles away... I need to be closer so that I can just be... just be there without words, even.
This isn't a grandfather where we loaded up in the car, drove a couple of hours, visited, and then packed the car again and drove home... nope, he lived 10 minutes away from me for most of my life.
He used to sneak me to a drugstore for an ice cream treat called a "Jo Jo" and then tell my Grandmother that we went to town to go to the bank or to get some medicine :).
He used to tickle me till I screamed for mercy... I would love to curl up next to him right now and tickle him and make him laugh and smile.
Memories are floodng into my mind nonstop. Tears flow and lumps in the throat form as I think of the moment he leaves this Earth and we are one less fabulous person on this ground. I feel as though I'm in a forest, lost, and searching and searching and searching for something but I'm not sure what... then, I feel as though I shouldn't be the one searching... I love you with all my heart and body...

Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway. ~Mary C. Crowley

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